Staying on track!

It has been a long time since I have posted anything!  I just want to report that I have been staying on track.  I saw Dr. Smith on Thursday and he was very pleased with my progress.  I have lost 25 pounds since I have seen him last.  He is very excited about my progress.  I have to admit I am too!!  I am starting to shrink out of all of my clothes again, but that is OK.  I know that they make more and soon I will be able to buy clothes from nearly any store I go into.  No more shopping exclusively at Fashion Bug or Lane Bryant!  That will feel sooo good!!!  I still can't believe how much my body has changed and how much the decision to have this surgery has changed my life!  I seriously wish I had done it 10 years ago.  It is a little weird for me because I still see the body I had before I lost all of this weight.  I really have to stand still and concentrate on what is really there, not what my mind still sees.  I know it will take time and I know my brain will catch up with the rest of me.  I can't wait.  For now I will have to settle for putting the pictures of my progress side by side.

Happy Thursday!!!  Today I am happy to report that the scale says I am 113 pounds lighter than I was 7 months  ago.  If you would have told me in March or April of this year that I would be 113 pounds down by October I would have laughed very loudly!!  But it is true.  When I got dressed this morning I put on the top that I wore to my birthday party that was held August 27th.  I can see such a difference in the way that it fits.  I thought it fit really well the night of my party, but wearing it today I feel much more comfortable in it.

I see Dr. Smith again next month.  He will be so pleased to see my continued progress.  I am slowly getting back to exercising since my gall bladder surgery.  Went for a long walk yesterday and am planning to go a little further today.  I am really beginning to enjoy my walks.  It gives me a little alone time and I know I am doing something positive for my health.  

100 pounds of flab off my frame, 100 pounds of flab...

So, I have hit the 100 pound mark!  Unfortunately, with that goal reached my gall bladder had to come out.  Wow, am I ever sore!!  Slowly but surely I am recovering.  The key word here is slowly!

I was getting ready to go to my son's football game.  I went and grabbed a pair of jeans off of my pile of clean clothes and put them on.  Imagine my surprise when I pulled them up and went to zip them up and realized that I was holding on to about 8 inches of extra material.  I was shocked!  I'm saving those pants.  Not because I will ever be able to wear them again, but because they represent how far I have come.  I put them on for my family later that night and we had a good laugh!

Lucky for me, my friend Chrys had given me boxes of clothing that she has shrunken out of.  I have casual clothes that fit again!  It is such a crazy feeling.  I pull clothes out of the totes that she has given me and I hold them up and say there is NO WAY I'm going to fit into that. But I put them on and they zip without any struggle.  I put on tops that aren't rolling up or too short so my belly button sticks out.  I still can't believe that this is MY body!  I sometimes wake up expecting that I have been dreaming and am back up to the heaviest weight I have ever been.  Every day that I wake up feeling that way I pinch myself just to make sure that it is real life.  So far, It's been real life and I like it!

I started a new friendship recently.  A lady that had her surgery yesterday!!  I am happy to report that all went well for her and she is on her way to her new life.  I love being able to be supportive to someone who is following the same path that I have been on.  It makes me stay focused on my journey while feeling like I am lending a hand to a friend in need.  I think I might take some public speaking classes so that I can share my experience, my excitement and my enthusiasm with others.  Not that I have any trouble talking in front of a group, I don't.  I think just that with a little coaching I could be very motivational.  Funny where life can take you when you have the confidence and the knowledge!

91 pounds, yes I said 91 pounds!!

I wanted to blog this once I hit 90, but ATT made it impossible because they were having issues in my neighborhood and couldn't fix it in a timely manner.  I was without internet for 7 days!!
  I can't believe I have lost 91 pounds!!!  That is 1/4 of my starting weight.  So now you can calculate just how much I weighed before I had my surgery.  I am so proud of me, but at the same time I am ashamed that I ever let myself get to that point.
 I have finally gone shopping and gotten myself some new scrubs.  I was at the point where my tops were so big I was getting caught on door knobs.  One of my supervisors actually stapled the excess material together so I didn't look so ridiculous. Once she did that I realized just how big my clothes really were.  I am having a little trouble adjusting to the new clothes because I have worn big baggy things for so long. I find that I am constantly pulling and tugging at my clothes.  It will take time for me to get used to wearing clothes that actually fit. For so long when I felt uncomfortable in my clothes I would just get a bigger size.  Those days are over!!  When I start feeling uncomfortable in my clothes now it will probably mean it's time to get smaller ones.  I am so looking forward to reaching the big 1 0 0 !!!  I know it's just around the corner...

85 pounds

85 pounds have fallen off of this frame of mine.  I feel good and I know that I still have a long way to go.  I as happy with my progress.  What I really need to do is start walking again or get back to the gym.  I know it is the key to continuing on this journey and doing as well as I was before.  I have a treadmill in the basement that looks like I have been using it for a closet.  I guess it's time for me to get that under control and get to stepping.

Been too long

It's  been way too long since I've blogged!  We just got back from vacation. We went to Mackinaw City, Michigan and stayed for 6 days.  What a wonderful time.  The weather was beautiful and we couldn't have asked for better service.  The hard part was choosing the right foods.  We ate out for nearly every meal and everything looked delicious.  But all in all I still lost weight.  I am down a total of 76 pounds.(that is almost as much as both of my daughters weigh together!!!)  I think if I had been home and able to eat my regular food at my regular times I would be down a little more, but I am thankful that I  am where I am.  It seems so unreal that I have lost this much weight.  I still have a hard time believing that I have lost it.  I still see myself as I was at my largest (I can't believe I am saying this out loud again, but I was up to 357pounds!!).  I can't look at a pair of pants or any other article of clothing, for that matter, and judge correctly if it will fit or not.  I think that was the hardest thing about packing for vacation.  I used to know what fit and I was just able to throw it in the suitcase and go.  This time I had to try everything on before we went. something I noticed while we were on vacation: I still turn sideways to fit through places where I will clearly fit through just passing through normally, I guess it will just take time to get used to it.  After all, it has only been 4 months since my surgery.

Next goal

I am 1, count it, 1 lousy pound away from my next goal.  I say lousy pound because I want to be at 70 pounds lost!  I'm so happy that the scale has started moving again.  I knew it would, but it is frustrating when it doesn't move for a while.   I have lost 69 pounds since I started this journey.  I feel so much better.  I imagine I look better too.  Although I probably look rather ridiculous sometimes since my scrubs are 2 or 3 sizes too big now.  Even my shoes are fitting differently.  I don't mind, I know how far I have come.
Today I ran into someone I haven't seen in 3 or 4 months.  She asked me when I colored my hair.  She said that  she really likes it dark.  I just laughed to myself because my hair has been the same color for about 4 or 5 years.  I know she didn't know that I have had the surgery and that I have lost almost 70 pounds.  It is amazing how different I look and that some people notice it right away and other people don't notice it at all.  I have actually have had people walk right past me and not recognize me until I say something and they recognize my voice.  I find that very amusing.

stressed and depressed

Today I feel lousy.  It is only the 2nd time since my surgery that I have felt this bad.  The first time I felt like this it was determined that I was dehydrated and had over worked myself.  It has been very busy at work this week and I have not been able to eat when I needed to.  It is a very delicate line that I walk every day.  I have to eat about every 2 to 3 hours and if I don't, I feel terrible.  I try to plan accordingly, by eating just before I get to work so that I can get through to about 1:00 or 1:30.  Then I can get through til 4:30 for a quick break and by the time I get home I can eat again.  I don't enjoy eating that many times a day, but it is necessary.  When I am unable to stay on schedule my whole system is off and I feel sick.  Just one day of being off will take me 5 or 6 days to recover.  Yesterday there was a period of 5 hours between meals.  By the time I ate I was feeling shaky and weak and I couldn't think straight.  Today I am still feeling weak and I am so tired.  I can't wait til Friday so that I can have a few days of to rest, relax and take care of myself.  I am in need of a long vacation.  The good thing is I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.  We are planning a week in Mackinaw City at the end of July.  I cannot wait!!

Another goal reached

I was nervously awaiting this goal.  The scale was not cooperating.  Truthfully, I was over-anxious and was weighing myself every day.  Sometimes twice a day.  I know this is not what I am supposed to do,  Dr. Fourman told me that I should only weigh myself once a month, but I couldn't help myself!  I was a woman obsessed!  I had a "magic number" in mind and I had to come in just below it.  Yesterday was the day I stepped on the scale and I was 4 pounds under this "magic number"! I was so happy!!  I made it to this goal right in the middle of  graduation partypalooza.

I have been to  several parties since my surgery and I thought it would be very difficult to make it through  them, but honestly it was much easier than I thought it would be.  I think I am finally starting to have the right kind of relationship with food.  I eat to live and I have stopped living to eat.

My next goal is to stop being so nervous about how I am changing.  I am so happy about the way I am changing on the outside, but I am so scared that I am going to lose the person I am on the inside.  I use comedy as a defense mechanism and as a coping mechanism.  I like being the "funny" one, but I am afraid that I will lose my wit and sense of humor.  I remember that in high school I was described as "the happy little fat girl."  I don't know if I am ready to stop being who I am today.  I hope I don't change on the inside!

Deep thoughts

While having a conversation with another bariatric patient the other day I realized something.  People who are addicted to cigarettes can stop smoking and never have to smoke again, people who are alcoholics can stop drinking alcohol and not have to drink again, but people who have eating disorders can never stop eating, in order to nourish our bodies we have to eat.  We have to dabble in our addiction everyday.  I am not discounting nicotine or alcohol addiction, I know first hand that quitting cigarettes is not easy, but I know it can be done.  I also know that overcoming my food addiction can  be done, but because I have to eat it is a very scary walk on a tight rope.  On one hand I have to get enough vitamins and minerals to stay healthy, but I have to satisfy my taste buds too.  Today was particularly complicated for me.  I walked out of the house without my lunch bag.  By the time I realized it I was too far away from home to turn back to pick it up and still get to work on time.  I had to depend on the cafeteria to have something that was OK for me to eat.  Not something I like to leave to chance.  I did OK, but was disappointed with what they had to offer.  For working in a hospital, our cafeteria does not offer many good choices.  Pizza is out of the question, sandwiches are also a no-no. Hot dogs have no nutritional value and hamburgers too fatty.  Cottage cheese and a half a cup of soup was what I chose today.  Not exactly what I wanted on a 90+ degree day, but it filled me up and gave me protein.  I hope I don't sound like I am complaining, I'm not!  I will never regret my decision to give myself the gift of health, I just wish that when I make the mistake of forgetting my lunch I had some better choices in our cafeteria.

Unstoppable!

Unstoppable, that is my new mantra.  That is how I feel.  I was told today that I look 10 years younger.  I feel 10 years younger.  Yesterday was my last visit with Dr. Fourman.  He had nothing but good things to say.  unfortunately, since my appointment was at 9 am and that is my usual workout time I had to skip my workout.  Don't get me wrong, I am no exercise junkie!  In fact I really dislike going to the gym, but I know it is the only way to tone up the flab as I lose the weight.  I decided that since I missed my workout yesterday I should go for a walk tonight.  As I got ready to go, Kari asked if she could come with me.  Of course I knew it would slow me down a bit, but it is important to include her in my exercise routine so she gets the right message.  Then Brooke said that she wanted to go.  I told her if she would ride in the stroller that I would be happy to push her.  Then Zeke said "well if they are going to go I guess I will go too."  By that time Tim decided that he and the dog should come along too.  So the VanOchten's set out on their walk.  Living right on the river walk is quite handy for a family stroll.  Once we hit the river walk I started to jog.  Yes, you heard it right...I started to jog.  Now it didn't last a long time, but I did it.  Brooke squealed.  Tim said that he hadn't seen me do that in years (if memory serves me correctly it has been about 13 years to be exact.) and he said he was so proud of me.  I don't know what go into me, I just felt like jogging.  I keep waiting to wake up from this dream and discover that I haven't really come this far, but then I pinch myself and realize that this is really my life and I am really doing this.  If you would have told me last year at this time that I would achieve this I would have told you that you were nuts.  Now I know that I am in control and I have the power to change my life and my relationship with food.

noticing small changes.

I am amazed every day when I notice even just the smallest changes.  Today when I got to work I had to park out in the last parking spot.  This is nothing new; going in at 11 makes it hard to find an up close parking spot.  The courtesy van was stalking me today.  The courtesy van circles the parking lot so that patient's families don't have to walk so far.  They will often pick up employees as well.  Today I sat in my car and waited for the van to drive away and he didn't drive away.  When I got out of my car he motioned for me to get in.  I waved him off and walked in.  It was a beautiful day and I needed the exercise.  I know that 2 months ago I would have taken that ride and would have actually hoped and prayed that the courtesy van would have been there to pick me up.  Don't get me wrong if it had been raining I would have taken a ride in a New York minute, sugar melts and I don't want to take any chances.  I have been taking the stairs down more often and I try to walk up at least 1 flight every day.  I am 3 lbs away from my next goal and I am working hard to get there.  Tomorrow will be a sad day for me.  My last visit with Dr. Fourman.  His last day is Friday.  I am so sad that he won't be here to see the end result of his handy work and my hard work.  I am just greatful that I had the opportunity to under go this transformation.  I couldn't have done it without him!

I passed 50 lbs today!

I haven't written anything in this blog lately.  I'll be honest.  I overheard some negative things being said about me.  I was angry and hurt at first, but I remembered why I was writing this blog and what was important.  I write this blog for me and I am what is important.  Maybe that sounds selfish, but that is how I really feel.  If people aren't interested and don't want to read this then they are free to skip it.  I write this blog as a form of therapy for me I am changing in so many ways.

I am so proud of myself!!!  Today I got on the scale and realized that I have passed the 50 lb. mark!  I have lost 51 lbs.  That is as much as my 7 year old weighs.  It is amazing, I look at my daughter and see exactly how much weight I have lost.  I have lost an entire small person.  I wrote in the questionnaire, prior to my surgery, that I wanted to lose 50 lbs. by 6 months  post-op.  That is so unbelievable!  I have surpassed my 6 month goal in only 6 weeks. 

My clothes are baggy and I look like I have baggy butt in my jeans, but I am so proud of myself.  I am discovering that I have some old shirts that I grew out of.  I am shrinking back into them.  I can't wait to get out my summer clothes and see what I cannot wear this year.  

I took the stairs!

Tonight I was invited to sit in the Three Rivers Corp. suite at the Loons game.  The box is located on the 3rd floor.  There is an elevator right before you get to the stairs, but today I chose to take the stairs.  I made it and didn't feel like I was going to have a heart attack.  I am just amazed!  Unfortunately, the loons lost tonight, but I really feel like I won.  I also walked the long way around to the stadium.  I parked across the street and I could have cut across he grass, but I chose to take the sidewalk, which was the long way.  I really can't believe that I am choosing to use the stairs and walk the long way, but I know it is the best thing I can do for myself.  I worked a 12 hour shift today and I felt great!  I can really feel the benefits of this surgery.  I am so glad that I did this.  I also can't thank Dr. Fourman enough.  Had I not gotten to know him I don't know if I would have had the courage to give this gift to myself. 

1st goal met!!

As I prepared to have this surgery the team of support people I worked with suggested that I set some goals.  It was difficult at first to think of what I wanted to accomplish.  I mean, I knew I wanted to lose the weight, but I didn't want to make every goal about a weight goal.  Yes, this journey is about weight loss, but I don't want to become scale obsessed. One of the questions that was on the questionnaire was how much weight do I expect to lose in 1 month, 3 months, 6 months and 1 year.  I answered that in 1 month I hoped to lose 10 lbs.  I have totally blown that out of the water!  I have lost 40 lbs since March 27th.  I am totally astonished!  I didn't know that was even possible.  One of the non-weight related goals that I had was to be able to wear my wedding ring again.  I have not been able to wear it since I was 3 months pregnant with Brooke.  Tim kept telling me that we could have it re sized.  I always answered the same way..."Why can't we have me re sized?"  Well, I guess that is exactly what I have done because on Monday I tried to get my ring on and it went on.  Granted, it is a little snug and I can't get it off without using lotion or soap, but I got that baby back on!  I know it seems like a small accomplishment, but I accomplished it!  I can't wait to see what 3 months brings!!!

I am so tired

I went back to work yesterday.  It felt good to be back into my usual routine.  It was nice because so many people said so many nice things.  Honestly, though, I am so tired.  I went from barely doing anything for 19 days to going back to work full force.  My lifting restriction was lifted and I could do anything that I was able to do before surgery.  Thankfully I only work 8 hour days, but I work 5 days a week.  Forgive me for such a short post, but I think I will go to bed now and sleep so I have energy to work tomorrow. 

It's a challenge

     Yesterday was a very busy day.  The kids were home from school for Good Friday and Tim wasn't working.  We were out and about all day.  The hard part is finding something to eat in a restaurant.  Not only am I restricted to what I should eat nutritionally, but I am still only able to eat soft and creamy textures.  I used to love to go out to eat, but now I find it is so much easier to just make myself something at home.  I should have packed my food and took it with me.  Good learning experience.

     Tonight we are going to Tim's Mom and Dad's house.  The whole family will be there and they are going to have pizza.  Tim's Mom was so concerned bout what I was going to eat.  I could tell she really felt bad that I wouldn't be able to have what they were having.  I told her that I would just bring my dinner with me.  She felt bad, but I could tell she was relieved.  I truly don't mind that everyone else is going to have pizza, I can see the big picture and it includes a healthier me.  When I was younger I remember people saying a moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips....That was no lie!  Now I guess I can say healthy food = healthy me. 

Starting to get back to normal....whatever normal is.

Went for my first work out since the surgery yesterday.  Couldn't do any lifting or resistance training, but could do the cardio workout.  I have to admit that I didn't work as hard as I did before the surgery.  I was a little nervous.  I am a little sore this morning, but I went and I finished my 30 minutes.  Jordan said that on Thursday we will be working a little harder.  I know that we will and I know that I can!  It actually felt good to get back into it.  Not that I will ever be an exercise junkie, but it was nice to get back to my normal routine.
 

My sense of smell is in overdrive

My family now has a good reason to think I am crazy!  I can smell everything!  This is a great thing for cooking, but will probably be a bad thing once I go back to work.  I can't wait to smell the food that everyone is eating.  My family is so patient allowing me to inhale the aroma coming from their plate. Tim thinks that I am torturing myself, but honestly it makes me feel better.  I don't feel like I am missing out.  I am loving the result of what is going on so far, but honestly I am so tired of yogurt and jello.  In only 2 more weeks I will be able to eat some scrambled eggs.  I am really looking forward to that!  Today I noticed that my jeans are loose at the waist and my undies are starting to fall down.  Probably too much information, but I'm sharing. :-)

I'm getting creative now...

I am starting to browse the Internet for bariatric friendly recipes now.  I am finding that a lot of what is out there is stuff that I would never consider eating....before.  I have decided that if I am going to make this work, (and as I have said a million times before; I am going to make this work!) that perhaps I should put my old picky self up on a shelf and start to be a little more adventurous. 

     Last night I took a look at a potato soup recipe that looked like I might like it.  So I wrote down all of the things I would need and went to the store.  I thought about how it would taste and if I had wasted my money.  Today before I went to get the kids from school I whipped up a batch of the potato soup, tofu and all.  It actually is pretty good and I'm glad that I decided to try it.  I know that there will be a bunch of stuff that I will try and won't like, but at least I am trying it.  It also gave me a chance to cook for myself again.  I like to cook, but haven't wanted to for a while now since I couldn't taste any of it.  Before you know it I may be cooking up a storm.

1 week check up

     Went to see Dr. Fourman today.  It is always an adventure when I go anywhere with my girl Chrys!  Today was no exception.  I still wasn't supposed to drive and my dad had an appointment with Dr. Weir at the same time in Saginaw, so Chrys was kind enough to take me to my appointment.  As we drove and talked about everything Chrys noticed that her car was overheating.  She pulled over and true to the person that she always has been and always will be she pulled out her manual and started to read.  The manual said that if it does this it's probably no big deal if it does that it's a problem.  We were in the it's probably no big deal catagory and started to drive again.  Let's just say the manual was WRONG!!  Blown head gasket.  Sorry for the expensive ride Chrys!!!
     I've lost 13 lbs this week.  My jeans are starting to slip down.  But I am happy.  Dr. Fourman says I am doing well.  My incisions are healing nicely and the bruising is fading.  I am right on track with what I am eating and what I am able to tolerate.  I asked if I could advance to squash...the answer to that was a big fat resounding NO! Yougert and applesauce consistancies for the next 3 weeks.  Maybe introduce Tuna in 3 weeks.  No meat for 4 more weeks.  He asked me if I was ready to go back to work yet and I answered that I thought I was.  He asked me, "Are you sure?" and then decided that I would be off for another week.  It is very important that I don't lift anything right now and I don't think he trusts me not to.  So I get another week to get accustomed to what I'm eating and how I feel about my body before I have to go back to work.  I can start going back to the gym starting tomorrow to do just cardio work out, no lifting.  I hope I am ready for that.
     I am so happy that I did this for myself.  I wish I hadn't waited so long!

I've graduated...

Today was the first day that I was able to have yogurt.  It was like I was given a golden ticket.  The hard part was deciding which flavor would be my first taste.  If it didn't go well and I picked my favorite flavor I may never be able to eat it again, on the other hand if it did go well I wanted to have something that I really liked.  Sounds like an easy decision, but I struggled.  In the end I decided to try a red velvet cake yoplait light yogurt.  It tasted delicious and settled with no problem. 

I never realized what kind of relationship I've had with food.  It has not been a healthy one that is for sure.  I love food.  The taste, the smell, the feel of it in my mouth.  Cooking it.  I love food!!!  I have to rethink this relationship if I want and expect this this to work.(And I do!)  I need to look at food as a way to nourish my body and survive.  It is not a prize, a comfort, or a reward.  This is going to be a learning experience.  But I am a good student and I will learn this lesson.

The good thing for me is that now I know what it feels like to be full.  I never recognized that feeling before.  I ate until I was so full that I was in pain.  My stomach would hurt so much after a meal, it was like everyday was thanksgiving.  I ate because I was bored.  I ate because I was stressed.  I ate because I felt bad. I ate because I didn't want food to go to waste.  I ate for stupid reasons.  I never really ate because I was hungry.  Now I know what it's like to feel hungry.

It's funny, the things that I discover about myself as I go day to day.  I expected this to be a physical transformation, but I didn't expect to discover these new things about me.   I guess that is why this is a journey. 

I don't remember the recovery room.

I don't remember being in the recovery room,  I'm told I had a lot of pain and they gave me Demerol.  Gail took care of me.  I remember being slightly awake during the bed ride to my room.  Marissa was pushing me off of the elevator and hit the alarm bell by mistake.  I vaguely remember doing  a princess parade wave down the hall.  Ashley came in and took my vitals and gave me some morphine, what a great friend!  She told me my finger stick was a little high during surgery and I received insulin.  She had to do another finger stick to see if it was back to normal. As expected, I extended "the finger" at her so she could check me out.   It was still a little high.  I got another dose of insulin.  Next check it was back within normal limits and stayed there for the rest of my stay.  I slept on and off the rest of that day.  Had lots of visitors. 
     I knew I had work to do on POD #2.  I had to walk at least 5 times that day and drink 30 cc every 30 minutes.  Sounds like easy work, but it was harder than I thought it would be.  Walking was the only way to get all the gas that they pumped into me during surgery moving.  I had a lot more visitors and was exhausted; I was thankful to have another night in the hospital.  The second night I slept so soundly, I didn't hear people come in or out of my room.  It sounds like I am complaining about all of the visitors I had, but I'm not!  I am very thankful to have so many people who care about me.  The kids came up and were ready for me to come home right then and there.  I was thankful to have more time. 

Friday morning, Dr Fourman and I agreed it was time for me to go home.  I was ready to be home.  The kids were happy to have me here.  My sister in law and brother in law Jill and Max came in and took the kids overnight Friday and Saturday.  They had such a good time.  It was quiet and nice to be able to rest.    Today Zeke and Kari are back at school and my mom and dad took Brooke.  I was able to get a couple of naps.  I'm still sore, but feel a lot better than I did when I came home.  Looking forward to my Dr. appointment on Wednesday so they can weigh me.  I'm so glad that I did this.  some adjustments have been more difficult than I thought they would be...Clear liquids are boring, but I have to take it slow.  It will all come together and I will be glad that I did what I was supposed to do. 

Surgical day

April 6th comes faster than I expect it to.  I don't have to be to the hospital until 7:30, but I'm wide awake at 5:15.  I shower and dress and wait.  The drive to the hospital is quiet.  Tim isn't saying much, he is nervous but doesn't want me to know.  I'm nervous too and I don't want him to know.  We make small talk, but nothing that has substance.  We are early and have to wait in the surgical waiting room.  We make some lame jokes about the decor, but we agree that neither one of us are funny when we are nervous.  Finally they come to get me for surgery and it all begins.  I am registered by Sue.  She is very nice and gets my humor.  We run through all of my questions and I change into my tent like gown.  I make a comment that this is the last time I will need the extra-super-large gown and Tim laughs.  Angie comes in and starts my IV on the first poke.  I worked with Angie for a few years on E-300.  We joke and  complain about the new computer charting system.  And again we are left to wait.  We are allowed 2 family members in the pre op waiting area, so my "sister" Chrys comes to sit with Tim while I am in surgery.  She comes in and she looks nervous too, but doesn't say a word.  We laugh and joke until Dr. Fourman comes in to see me and make sure this is what I want to do.  Ok, truth is we are still joking around when Dr. Fourman comes, but he understands my sense of humor.  I introduce him to Chrys since he has already met Tim and I say this is my sister Chrys,  Chrys this is Matt, I mean Dr. Fourman.  I have never called him Matt, but I guess nerves will do that.  Then they come and take me to the OR.  We all say goodbye and I start to really get nervous, but them I remember that I am in EXCELLENT hands and that I am going to do fabulous.  I'm in the OR for a matter of minutes as they position me and then they give me versed......That is all I remember until I am back in my room.  

April 1st, 2011 I am registered at the hospital as a surgical patient.  I decide to have a gastric sleeve done rather than a lap band.  It is more invasive, but will give me the result I am looking for as long as I do what is expected of me.  Eat what I am supposed to, exercise and get plenty of fluid.  I am committed to doing this.  I want to be healthy for myself and my family.  I know I am doing the right thing for me.

My extreme makeover

It has been over a year since I've made my mind up.  I am tired of being fat, morbidly obese, plus size, a big girl or whatever you want to call it.  I'm tired of it.  I have tried just about every diet there is.  Some with minimal result, some with moderate result but none with permanent result.  The hospital that I work for is starting to do bariatric surgeries and I am interested. 
     I know a few people who have had the lap band placed and I think that I want to have this done.  I start the process.  First you have to go to an informational meeting that explains the difference between the 3 types of surgeries.  Then there is the 6 months of weight tracking, the psychological exam, the nutrition assessment and training and fitness assessment.  All of which I complete, only to find that Tim's insurance considers this a cosmetic surgery.  Roadblock!  Lucky for me I have options.  I an able to purchase medcal coverage for myself through work. 
     It has been a long wait, but the day has finally arrived.  I am nervous, but know that I am in good hands.  Dr. Fourman is an excellent surgeon and the nurses that I work with at the hospital are the best in the area.  I will be taken care of!