I was nervously awaiting this goal. The scale was not cooperating. Truthfully, I was over-anxious and was weighing myself every day. Sometimes twice a day. I know this is not what I am supposed to do, Dr. Fourman told me that I should only weigh myself once a month, but I couldn't help myself! I was a woman obsessed! I had a "magic number" in mind and I had to come in just below it. Yesterday was the day I stepped on the scale and I was 4 pounds under this "magic number"! I was so happy!! I made it to this goal right in the middle of graduation partypalooza.
I have been to several parties since my surgery and I thought it would be very difficult to make it through them, but honestly it was much easier than I thought it would be. I think I am finally starting to have the right kind of relationship with food. I eat to live and I have stopped living to eat.
My next goal is to stop being so nervous about how I am changing. I am so happy about the way I am changing on the outside, but I am so scared that I am going to lose the person I am on the inside. I use comedy as a defense mechanism and as a coping mechanism. I like being the "funny" one, but I am afraid that I will lose my wit and sense of humor. I remember that in high school I was described as "the happy little fat girl." I don't know if I am ready to stop being who I am today. I hope I don't change on the inside!