Monday, June 13, 2011

Another goal reached

I was nervously awaiting this goal.  The scale was not cooperating.  Truthfully, I was over-anxious and was weighing myself every day.  Sometimes twice a day.  I know this is not what I am supposed to do,  Dr. Fourman told me that I should only weigh myself once a month, but I couldn't help myself!  I was a woman obsessed!  I had a "magic number" in mind and I had to come in just below it.  Yesterday was the day I stepped on the scale and I was 4 pounds under this "magic number"! I was so happy!!  I made it to this goal right in the middle of  graduation partypalooza.

I have been to  several parties since my surgery and I thought it would be very difficult to make it through  them, but honestly it was much easier than I thought it would be.  I think I am finally starting to have the right kind of relationship with food.  I eat to live and I have stopped living to eat.

My next goal is to stop being so nervous about how I am changing.  I am so happy about the way I am changing on the outside, but I am so scared that I am going to lose the person I am on the inside.  I use comedy as a defense mechanism and as a coping mechanism.  I like being the "funny" one, but I am afraid that I will lose my wit and sense of humor.  I remember that in high school I was described as "the happy little fat girl."  I don't know if I am ready to stop being who I am today.  I hope I don't change on the inside!

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