Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I am so tired

I went back to work yesterday.  It felt good to be back into my usual routine.  It was nice because so many people said so many nice things.  Honestly, though, I am so tired.  I went from barely doing anything for 19 days to going back to work full force.  My lifting restriction was lifted and I could do anything that I was able to do before surgery.  Thankfully I only work 8 hour days, but I work 5 days a week.  Forgive me for such a short post, but I think I will go to bed now and sleep so I have energy to work tomorrow. 

Saturday, April 23, 2011

It's a challenge

     Yesterday was a very busy day.  The kids were home from school for Good Friday and Tim wasn't working.  We were out and about all day.  The hard part is finding something to eat in a restaurant.  Not only am I restricted to what I should eat nutritionally, but I am still only able to eat soft and creamy textures.  I used to love to go out to eat, but now I find it is so much easier to just make myself something at home.  I should have packed my food and took it with me.  Good learning experience.

     Tonight we are going to Tim's Mom and Dad's house.  The whole family will be there and they are going to have pizza.  Tim's Mom was so concerned bout what I was going to eat.  I could tell she really felt bad that I wouldn't be able to have what they were having.  I told her that I would just bring my dinner with me.  She felt bad, but I could tell she was relieved.  I truly don't mind that everyone else is going to have pizza, I can see the big picture and it includes a healthier me.  When I was younger I remember people saying a moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips....That was no lie!  Now I guess I can say healthy food = healthy me. 

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Starting to get back to normal....whatever normal is.

Went for my first work out since the surgery yesterday.  Couldn't do any lifting or resistance training, but could do the cardio workout.  I have to admit that I didn't work as hard as I did before the surgery.  I was a little nervous.  I am a little sore this morning, but I went and I finished my 30 minutes.  Jordan said that on Thursday we will be working a little harder.  I know that we will and I know that I can!  It actually felt good to get back into it.  Not that I will ever be an exercise junkie, but it was nice to get back to my normal routine.

Monday, April 18, 2011

My sense of smell is in overdrive

My family now has a good reason to think I am crazy!  I can smell everything!  This is a great thing for cooking, but will probably be a bad thing once I go back to work.  I can't wait to smell the food that everyone is eating.  My family is so patient allowing me to inhale the aroma coming from their plate. Tim thinks that I am torturing myself, but honestly it makes me feel better.  I don't feel like I am missing out.  I am loving the result of what is going on so far, but honestly I am so tired of yogurt and jello.  In only 2 more weeks I will be able to eat some scrambled eggs.  I am really looking forward to that!  Today I noticed that my jeans are loose at the waist and my undies are starting to fall down.  Probably too much information, but I'm sharing. :-)

Thursday, April 14, 2011

I'm getting creative now...

I am starting to browse the Internet for bariatric friendly recipes now.  I am finding that a lot of what is out there is stuff that I would never consider eating....before.  I have decided that if I am going to make this work, (and as I have said a million times before; I am going to make this work!) that perhaps I should put my old picky self up on a shelf and start to be a little more adventurous. 

     Last night I took a look at a potato soup recipe that looked like I might like it.  So I wrote down all of the things I would need and went to the store.  I thought about how it would taste and if I had wasted my money.  Today before I went to get the kids from school I whipped up a batch of the potato soup, tofu and all.  It actually is pretty good and I'm glad that I decided to try it.  I know that there will be a bunch of stuff that I will try and won't like, but at least I am trying it.  It also gave me a chance to cook for myself again.  I like to cook, but haven't wanted to for a while now since I couldn't taste any of it.  Before you know it I may be cooking up a storm.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

1 week check up

     Went to see Dr. Fourman today.  It is always an adventure when I go anywhere with my girl Chrys!  Today was no exception.  I still wasn't supposed to drive and my dad had an appointment with Dr. Weir at the same time in Saginaw, so Chrys was kind enough to take me to my appointment.  As we drove and talked about everything Chrys noticed that her car was overheating.  She pulled over and true to the person that she always has been and always will be she pulled out her manual and started to read.  The manual said that if it does this it's probably no big deal if it does that it's a problem.  We were in the it's probably no big deal catagory and started to drive again.  Let's just say the manual was WRONG!!  Blown head gasket.  Sorry for the expensive ride Chrys!!!
     I've lost 13 lbs this week.  My jeans are starting to slip down.  But I am happy.  Dr. Fourman says I am doing well.  My incisions are healing nicely and the bruising is fading.  I am right on track with what I am eating and what I am able to tolerate.  I asked if I could advance to squash...the answer to that was a big fat resounding NO! Yougert and applesauce consistancies for the next 3 weeks.  Maybe introduce Tuna in 3 weeks.  No meat for 4 more weeks.  He asked me if I was ready to go back to work yet and I answered that I thought I was.  He asked me, "Are you sure?" and then decided that I would be off for another week.  It is very important that I don't lift anything right now and I don't think he trusts me not to.  So I get another week to get accustomed to what I'm eating and how I feel about my body before I have to go back to work.  I can start going back to the gym starting tomorrow to do just cardio work out, no lifting.  I hope I am ready for that.
     I am so happy that I did this for myself.  I wish I hadn't waited so long!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I've graduated...

Today was the first day that I was able to have yogurt.  It was like I was given a golden ticket.  The hard part was deciding which flavor would be my first taste.  If it didn't go well and I picked my favorite flavor I may never be able to eat it again, on the other hand if it did go well I wanted to have something that I really liked.  Sounds like an easy decision, but I struggled.  In the end I decided to try a red velvet cake yoplait light yogurt.  It tasted delicious and settled with no problem. 

I never realized what kind of relationship I've had with food.  It has not been a healthy one that is for sure.  I love food.  The taste, the smell, the feel of it in my mouth.  Cooking it.  I love food!!!  I have to rethink this relationship if I want and expect this this to work.(And I do!)  I need to look at food as a way to nourish my body and survive.  It is not a prize, a comfort, or a reward.  This is going to be a learning experience.  But I am a good student and I will learn this lesson.

The good thing for me is that now I know what it feels like to be full.  I never recognized that feeling before.  I ate until I was so full that I was in pain.  My stomach would hurt so much after a meal, it was like everyday was thanksgiving.  I ate because I was bored.  I ate because I was stressed.  I ate because I felt bad. I ate because I didn't want food to go to waste.  I ate for stupid reasons.  I never really ate because I was hungry.  Now I know what it's like to feel hungry.

It's funny, the things that I discover about myself as I go day to day.  I expected this to be a physical transformation, but I didn't expect to discover these new things about me.   I guess that is why this is a journey. 

Monday, April 11, 2011

I don't remember the recovery room.

I don't remember being in the recovery room,  I'm told I had a lot of pain and they gave me Demerol.  Gail took care of me.  I remember being slightly awake during the bed ride to my room.  Marissa was pushing me off of the elevator and hit the alarm bell by mistake.  I vaguely remember doing  a princess parade wave down the hall.  Ashley came in and took my vitals and gave me some morphine, what a great friend!  She told me my finger stick was a little high during surgery and I received insulin.  She had to do another finger stick to see if it was back to normal. As expected, I extended "the finger" at her so she could check me out.   It was still a little high.  I got another dose of insulin.  Next check it was back within normal limits and stayed there for the rest of my stay.  I slept on and off the rest of that day.  Had lots of visitors. 
     I knew I had work to do on POD #2.  I had to walk at least 5 times that day and drink 30 cc every 30 minutes.  Sounds like easy work, but it was harder than I thought it would be.  Walking was the only way to get all the gas that they pumped into me during surgery moving.  I had a lot more visitors and was exhausted; I was thankful to have another night in the hospital.  The second night I slept so soundly, I didn't hear people come in or out of my room.  It sounds like I am complaining about all of the visitors I had, but I'm not!  I am very thankful to have so many people who care about me.  The kids came up and were ready for me to come home right then and there.  I was thankful to have more time. 

Friday morning, Dr Fourman and I agreed it was time for me to go home.  I was ready to be home.  The kids were happy to have me here.  My sister in law and brother in law Jill and Max came in and took the kids overnight Friday and Saturday.  They had such a good time.  It was quiet and nice to be able to rest.    Today Zeke and Kari are back at school and my mom and dad took Brooke.  I was able to get a couple of naps.  I'm still sore, but feel a lot better than I did when I came home.  Looking forward to my Dr. appointment on Wednesday so they can weigh me.  I'm so glad that I did this.  some adjustments have been more difficult than I thought they would be...Clear liquids are boring, but I have to take it slow.  It will all come together and I will be glad that I did what I was supposed to do. 

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Surgical day

April 6th comes faster than I expect it to.  I don't have to be to the hospital until 7:30, but I'm wide awake at 5:15.  I shower and dress and wait.  The drive to the hospital is quiet.  Tim isn't saying much, he is nervous but doesn't want me to know.  I'm nervous too and I don't want him to know.  We make small talk, but nothing that has substance.  We are early and have to wait in the surgical waiting room.  We make some lame jokes about the decor, but we agree that neither one of us are funny when we are nervous.  Finally they come to get me for surgery and it all begins.  I am registered by Sue.  She is very nice and gets my humor.  We run through all of my questions and I change into my tent like gown.  I make a comment that this is the last time I will need the extra-super-large gown and Tim laughs.  Angie comes in and starts my IV on the first poke.  I worked with Angie for a few years on E-300.  We joke and  complain about the new computer charting system.  And again we are left to wait.  We are allowed 2 family members in the pre op waiting area, so my "sister" Chrys comes to sit with Tim while I am in surgery.  She comes in and she looks nervous too, but doesn't say a word.  We laugh and joke until Dr. Fourman comes in to see me and make sure this is what I want to do.  Ok, truth is we are still joking around when Dr. Fourman comes, but he understands my sense of humor.  I introduce him to Chrys since he has already met Tim and I say this is my sister Chrys,  Chrys this is Matt, I mean Dr. Fourman.  I have never called him Matt, but I guess nerves will do that.  Then they come and take me to the OR.  We all say goodbye and I start to really get nervous, but them I remember that I am in EXCELLENT hands and that I am going to do fabulous.  I'm in the OR for a matter of minutes as they position me and then they give me versed......That is all I remember until I am back in my room.  

Saturday, April 9, 2011

April 1st, 2011 I am registered at the hospital as a surgical patient.  I decide to have a gastric sleeve done rather than a lap band.  It is more invasive, but will give me the result I am looking for as long as I do what is expected of me.  Eat what I am supposed to, exercise and get plenty of fluid.  I am committed to doing this.  I want to be healthy for myself and my family.  I know I am doing the right thing for me.

My extreme makeover

It has been over a year since I've made my mind up.  I am tired of being fat, morbidly obese, plus size, a big girl or whatever you want to call it.  I'm tired of it.  I have tried just about every diet there is.  Some with minimal result, some with moderate result but none with permanent result.  The hospital that I work for is starting to do bariatric surgeries and I am interested. 
     I know a few people who have had the lap band placed and I think that I want to have this done.  I start the process.  First you have to go to an informational meeting that explains the difference between the 3 types of surgeries.  Then there is the 6 months of weight tracking, the psychological exam, the nutrition assessment and training and fitness assessment.  All of which I complete, only to find that Tim's insurance considers this a cosmetic surgery.  Roadblock!  Lucky for me I have options.  I an able to purchase medcal coverage for myself through work. 
     It has been a long wait, but the day has finally arrived.  I am nervous, but know that I am in good hands.  Dr. Fourman is an excellent surgeon and the nurses that I work with at the hospital are the best in the area.  I will be taken care of!