Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I've graduated...

Today was the first day that I was able to have yogurt.  It was like I was given a golden ticket.  The hard part was deciding which flavor would be my first taste.  If it didn't go well and I picked my favorite flavor I may never be able to eat it again, on the other hand if it did go well I wanted to have something that I really liked.  Sounds like an easy decision, but I struggled.  In the end I decided to try a red velvet cake yoplait light yogurt.  It tasted delicious and settled with no problem. 

I never realized what kind of relationship I've had with food.  It has not been a healthy one that is for sure.  I love food.  The taste, the smell, the feel of it in my mouth.  Cooking it.  I love food!!!  I have to rethink this relationship if I want and expect this this to work.(And I do!)  I need to look at food as a way to nourish my body and survive.  It is not a prize, a comfort, or a reward.  This is going to be a learning experience.  But I am a good student and I will learn this lesson.

The good thing for me is that now I know what it feels like to be full.  I never recognized that feeling before.  I ate until I was so full that I was in pain.  My stomach would hurt so much after a meal, it was like everyday was thanksgiving.  I ate because I was bored.  I ate because I was stressed.  I ate because I felt bad. I ate because I didn't want food to go to waste.  I ate for stupid reasons.  I never really ate because I was hungry.  Now I know what it's like to feel hungry.

It's funny, the things that I discover about myself as I go day to day.  I expected this to be a physical transformation, but I didn't expect to discover these new things about me.   I guess that is why this is a journey. 

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